you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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