Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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