Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just found a bag of teeth...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
