He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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