Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
