We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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