You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I love having hate sex.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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