I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
