just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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