Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
