sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
