did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
