i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
