Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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