It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We are all done wearing pants today
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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