Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
