You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
