I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
