so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
