apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
