My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
