hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
