I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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