ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
