I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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