Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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