Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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