every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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