I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
