susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
