i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
