dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
