Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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