I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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