Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
