you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
