whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
