@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
