The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
