Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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