you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
