Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
