he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
