I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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