So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
