with your own penis?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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