I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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