He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
