Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
