Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
