sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i've created a new STD.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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