these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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